Maggie Lou and Phoebe Jane

Maggie Lou and Phoebe Jane

Friday, September 9, 2011

I am still here

Today these two super girls are sucking the life out of me. Jeannie asked if I wanted a break today ( meaning she hold a girl for five minutes while I regain my sanity). I said "no I just want to run off into the hills and never come back." I know someday I will say they are the best thing that ever happened to me and I can't imagine life without them, but today is not that day, and tomorrow isn't looking good either.
Thank you to those of you who just say "it must be hard" that means so much. A little compassion and understanding. I know people have it, have had it, and will have it way harder than we do. However this is our reality right now. I know no different. I just know that having twin daughters is kicking my ass right now. It is also kicking my marriage in the ass.
Luckily Jeannie and I have a strong bond that I believe can withstand most anything. I am slowly regaining sanity because Jeannie just left with Maggie and I put Phoebe down for a nap so I have a few precious moments to communicate my thoughts. For those of you that know me , I am about as real as it gets and I am not gonna lie and sugar coat how I feel. I love these girls dearly but man it is tough.
One amazing part of my life is that I get to go out and play music for a living. My job is awesome and helps me stay alive, but it does not recharge me. I love hanging with people and having relationships and right now I have none but my three girls which is really hard for a social extravert like myself. I know this is just a season and things will change. I don't believe anymore that they will get easier , just different.
Having twin daughters does teach you a life lesson about patience and selfishness. I am starting to become more selfless which is probably a good thing. Realizing that my life is not my own and I have to help two other life forms who could not survive without me, crazy I...... HOLY CRAP PHOEBE CAN"T BE WAKING UP... is has been 20 F$%%king minutes. Please pray I don't throw her out the window!!!
Hugs and Kisses