Okay you were warned. I am two cups of coffee in at Sally Loo's and I am in my deep thinking mode.
I haven't thought about "church" in a little while but now that the twins are fast approaching it keeps popping in my head. Where am I at with God and what do I want to teach my children. Maybe God and the spiritual world are not something that you think about or burden yourself with but it is something that I could never escape and life seems empty without deeper meaning or purpose.
For about 15 years of my life Christianity, Christian summer camps, Religious study, and Youth ministry were the center of my life. It was what I felt called to do. There were many parts that I really enjoyed and parts of it that I still connect to but about 6 years ago the weight of human burden and religion weighed too much on my relationship with God and I cut the straps and threw away the load, and for the first time in my life I felt free.
So what does that mean now? To go from a pastor to a bar musician is kind of a big switch. Some people may think that I fell from Grace and fallen, but I am happier and more blessed than I have ever been. Some think I have abandoned my faith and maybe I am just spiritual. Nope I am not spiritual , I don't change me theology each week based on Oprah's guests. I have not fallen from Grace, I think really for the first time in life I am experiencing Grace.
I feel like so many people I talk to are so tired of trying to be a good person. Or live the lifestyle of modern western Christianity they are over it. In my experience everything about the "Christian" lifestyle is focused on trying not to sin, avoiding sin, avoiding temptation, trying not to tempt others,it becomes your focus. then the guilt of not spending an hour a day in quiet time and fellowship in a coffee shop or living room. Aaahhhhhhhhh, Never again. I was talking to a surfer out by the beach and he said that " being out in the water is my church" and there was a time I would have told him " no you need fellowship with others and go to church" be in a building? Of course he feels close to God out in the water! that is God's creation! you Go bro! For the first time I sat back and realized and truly knew in my soul that God has given me the gift of grace! That God loves me no matter what I do and no matter what I have done:) There is nothing I can do to weaken or strengthen that bond. Do you know how many people I have told that to? But for the first time in my life I am feeling it! To lay back and shut my eyes and let go of all the crap and judgement and guilt and pressure! It is amazing! I feel like we have made Jesus so cheesy in our society today and such a pansy. When in reality he walked the earth in one of the most persecuted times in human history during the height of the Roman empire, and laid his life down to pay the price for me so I can experience this Grace, So I can be free of guilt and shame and judgment. Thanks Jesus!
Which brings me back to my original problem. How to teach my children because well I can't stand church. I can't sit and listen to one guys opinion of the Bible every week. For a while I was that guy! To sit and listen to one persons experience and journey with God, I don't just want to hear that one guy once a week, and unfortunately I can't stand the music. You might love your church? awesome keep going! But I know there are many of you that feel the same way I do. No I don't want to try and start the new edgy cool church for the next generation. I want to hang with people that embrace life and celebrate it! I want to be encouraged by people who have read the bible and discuss it. a lot of the people treat the Bible like a software license agreement online, they scroll to the bottom and click agree and never bother to read the content for themselves.
I want to celebrate art and music and share meals with friends. I want to drink beer and wine and share about our dreams and desires of life for our selves and our children. I want to enjoy life and nature and Gods creation. I want to learn how to be less selfish and serve others and make my community a better place. I want to learn to show others grace and compassion and forgiveness like I have been shown by God. Now that sounds awesome! give me a call if you want to share that some night with Jeannie and I and the two scoops. maybe I just answered my original question :)
1 comment:
Very, very well said, Matt. My thoughts exactly. Let me and Nick know when you, Jeannie and the two scoops are craving some good Thai and we'll have you out for Noi's. Until then, enjoy this beautiful weather and keep enjoying every minute of your blessed life.
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